Staycation? Vacation? Alternacation?

A few months ago, Charles suggested we take a "real" vacation this year. As in, "Pack up the car, honey, let's hit the road. " I got VERY excited! I started looking at maps. I engaged Vin in all manner of hypothetical geographical discussions. We dreamed, we planned, we calculated.

Here we are, mid-July.

The extent of our vacations thus far have included one day trip to the beach in New Jersey (motto: "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY YOU ASSHOLE!"), and one day trip to the beach in Delaware (motto: "You're from New Jersey, aren't you. Sigh").

It's juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussttttttttttttttt........... not worth it. The diapers. The clothes. The sheer number of juice boxes it takes to get through an hour in the car could refresh an entire third world country. We drive a Civic, not known for its juice box capacity, much less a plethora of cupholders. And then upon our return home, we get to unwind by cleaning out the car and doing 10ish loads of laundry. Throwing out moldy grapes, and wondering if those are Cheerios gone wrong, or Fruit Loops gone awry. Hopefully we return to a house left in peace, unaccosted by a) burglars b) stray "pets" and/or c) escaped neighborhood crazies from the group home. (Anyone seen Ted?)

Option B: So, say we go nowhere. We take the Poor Man's Vacation: the Staycation?

Meaning what?........... we sit around and look at each other for a week? Charles continues with the home-maintenance projects he's so fond of and I continue with schooling, violin practice, laundry, cooking and cleaning?  Charles gets the "added benefit" of doing home maintenance projects during the daylight with fewer mosquitoes and more humidity, with more pressure to get them "all done while he has the time." YES! AWESOME! 

Ah, no. Un-awesome.

I propose a third option...... supports the local economy, and provides for a decent R&R for Mommy and Daddy. The All-Inclusive Alternacation.

Included:
Merry Maid Service
Handy Man
Lawn Service
Tutor
Nanny
Bonus: In-call massage therapist.

I figure we can support six local micro-economies in the comfort of our own home, safe and secure in the fact that if Cocoa the Friendly Neighborhood Pit Bull gets loose, her "parents" are but a quick phone call away..... no missed planes, no lay-overs, no orange barrels, no "Oh SNAP! I'm out of hand sanitizer! Quick, find a Dollar Tree!" freakouts.

Yes, the Alternacation could be a good thing.  I wonder how much background checks cost? Will we ever be able to return from our Alternacation to the Real World? Or might we resort to Day Trading and Currency Swapping to maintain the Alternacation indefinitely? 

Someone get Mark Burnett on Line 1. I think we have a winner!